The next chapter, the semicolon, the fresh start...whatever you want to call it, I recently hit rock bottom and discovered the life I was living, the life I had built, was merely an unpleasant puppet show and I was the main character. I had allowed others to pull my strings and control my actions and reactions for so long, that I couldn't see how much of myself I had lost; neither could anyone else.
From the outside looking in, I had it all: a six-figure income household, a handsome husband, three beautiful daughters, the latest gadgets and gizmos, and a career with a reputation for hard work, exceptional leadership qualities, and on my best days, a naturally objective view for problem solving. But...you guessed it! I felt empty inside.
I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard this story. They usually all sound the same. And I won't pretend that my story is any better or worse than the next. I started this blog at the recommendation of another blogger as a form of therapy and if I'm able to help, inspire, or encourage someone else that is facing similar struggles, then it is totally worth the effort.
I could spout off several clinical terms (i.e. bad words) to describe my situation such as depression, anxiety, perfectionism, attention deficit, chronic fatigue. The bottom line is I had literally reached my breaking point. Figuratively speaking, my toes were hanging over the ledge and I was ready to jump. Through many different forms of therapy, medication (a topic I will save for another post), and some raw and emotional self-reflection, I realized that I needed to make some changes.
I'm writing this blog in hopes that you all will share in both my triumphs and trials as I transition through a divorce, co-parenting, becoming a pacifist after spending 10 years as an officer in the U.S. Air Force, rededicating my life to Jesus Christ, and learning to live with intention and purpose. I know I won't get it right every day, but my hope is that you don't idolize my successes nor vilify my failures. With my tendency towards self-criticism, I'm hoping I don't do those things either. The foundation for this journey will be built on compassion and self-compassion, love, hope, and forgiveness.